Sunday, January 20, 2008

I Can't Believe It's Come to This

How many times do you think people dealing with infertility say that phrase? I uttered it to my husband just this morning while I was waiting for the nurse to draw my CD3 bloodwork-- FSH, LH, E2-- so they could then ship it off to CCRM for analysis. How did we get to the point that we were up last night reading a book of instructions about how to freeze this container, but not that one and to make sure the nurse uses this red top tube, but not the other... all so we could get some blood drawn, pay to have it shipped 2,000+ miles across the country, so a doctor out there can tell us what happens next in trying to conceive our child. What happened to some dinner, a little romance, and a fun roll in the hay?

The miscarriages were a big enough shock to the system. Having my last one after taking thyroid meds, enormous amounts of folic acid, B12, B6 and even Lovenox injections to thin my blood sent me over the edge. But now we not only have to do IVF to get pregnant, we need genetic testing on the embryos to do all we can to avoid another miscarriage and thus another breakdown. The FSH/IUIs didn't work despite the fact that we had 5 - 20mm follicles on trigger day and 150 million beautiful post wash sperm for the IUI. How the hell did that happen? I mean, we should have been one of the lucky ones to get twins out of that deal, right?! The nurses were even looking at us like we were going to end up with multiples for sure and "did we know what we were getting into?" But, the doc said we had 3-4 shots with IUI before we'd need to move on to IVF, and we'd been pregnant together 3 times before. My last two miscarriages were tested and shown to be chromosomally normal males, so my eggs weren't crap yet. Right? This protocol gave us an excellent chance, right? Wrong! When I tried to schedule the next IUI I was informed that my RE wanted a consult with us about where to go next. Oh Boy!

So, after our discussions with him, and finding out our insurance only pays a lifetime limit of $5K for fertility treatments we are now going to Colorado for our first IVF. (How's that for optimism? I'm talking about our 1st IVF because surely we'll need more than one. Ugh!) It's more expensive there. I doubt we'll make it out without plunking down at least $20K. Never mind the $3K we've already handed over for a ton of testing they require. But we're supposed to have a 3 fold better chance at bringing home a baby with them. Of course no one really regulates the stats that are posted on SART, so who the hell knows. But that's our decision, and we're sticking to it.

Now that I've answered my own question I guess I'll log off. I know most of you are probably still wondering how you got to the point you're at now too. Feel free to give a shout out and share your story. Misery loves company, you know!


Lost in Space said...

I ask myself that same question all the time. It just seems so surreal that we are knocking on IVF's door. I just kept thinking that each month would be "the" month and then the lap, etc. would be our miracle cure, then IUI with injectables had to be it, and that last ditch effort to be one of those few that gets the BFP on a "break" cycle before IVF. Nope, IVF it is.

rickronald said...

not all parents are happy.
Dids't thou give all to thy daughters?
And art thou come to this?
Shakespeare - King Lear