Thursday, January 24, 2008

Feeling a Little Alone

Nothing particularly witty to say today. I'm just sick of DH having to travel for work all the time. I'm finding embarking on IVF hard enough to deal with, but only seeing DH in what appears to be the revolving door our home has become is making everything worse. I know so many people have it worse than me with husbands deployed to Iraq or going through separations or divorce. It just doesn't make me feel any better. It also seems like the more he is away the less likely I am to get close to him or really communicate about what's going on when he is here. Maybe I'm pissed at him deep down. I'd hate to admit that since his job pays the bills around here. No one ever said emotions are reasonable though.

I've been waiting for what seems like forever to have our regroup appointment to get this IVF on the road, and I just had to push the appointment back a week b/c DH won't be here. Sometimes I just want to throw my hands in the air and say forget it! This is too much for me to go through without some serious support. He just got home, spent the whole weekend sick, was going to take Friday as comp time to have a long weekend together and now has to attend a funeral out of town before leaving on business again on Tuesday. We don't have anyone to watch the dog on such short notice so I can't even go to the funeral with him. 2008 has not been too good on our marriage so far. As I write this I feel petty and stupid, but there you have it. Is it just the IF talking?

1 comment:

Lost in Space said...

Maybe part of it is the IF talking. This is some seriously hard shit to go through and without your DH next to you must be a struggle. I hope you are able to reconnect very soon and get some time together. My blog is always open whenever you need someone to talk to. wink.